Self esteem, developed at home by oneself, or by society?

26.07.20

Shiza Zia

Sprinkles & Sparkles

Self-esteem: confidence in one's own worth or abilities

Have you ever heard anyone refer to someone else using descriptions such as “the person with Vitiligo”, or “the person with a big nose”, or “the person with a lopsided smile”, or “the person with crooked teeth”, and so on? While for most of us this may be simply interpreted as proclaiming/signalling someone we don’t know by using their most prominent feature, but for others it may be something that they’re insecure about, or (physically) can’t change about themselves.

So what makes us use this technique of calling out to people? Is it merely just to identify someone, or is it something else?

I’m sure at times when we do it, it's simply a slip of the tongue or done just to identify someone, but all with good intention. However, it is important to bear in mind that while it's just a process of identification (to us), is it right to identify someone based solely on one particular physical feature? Or to reduce/condense an entire living and breathing being into a single prominent feature, which most of the time isn't considered appealing or attractive to society according to its standards?

The answer is NO.

However, the unfortunate truth is that we never fail to do so. Right from when we’re children at family gatherings, to when we’re attending sixth form and university, we do it, and we do it all the time!

So the question arises, how can we develop our individual self esteems as a society?

The answer to that is simple, and effective, and like all other things, begin from home. To start off, we must STOP cracking jokes about physical appearance, because even if the victim is laughing with you, you never know whether you’re actually hurting them or not. This is because only a few brave ones will actually come out and explicitly tell you how they feel about such jokes.

We must also stop body shaming. The next time you want to tell your sibling or aunt to watch their diet,(even though that's not something completely necessary, as everyone knows what they're doing,) try saying something that shows your concern about their health rather than their appearance, and maybe they’ll listen to you rather than ignore you in their spite.

Secondly, similar to my first point, we have got to stop stereotypical assumptions, such as “short people are friendly”. NO, EVERYONE IS FRIENDLY IF YOU TALK TO THEM POLITELY AND GIVE THEM RESPECT. Did the Lord make friendliness and height inversely proportional?!

These are just two simple ways that we can stop one and other from talking about each other in such manners, and hence cultivate a generation that's happier and more tolerant about body image and personality traits, thereby boosting our own self esteems and those of everyone around us. (And possibly helping the coming generations, so that they don't have to deal with what we’re having to?)

While self esteem has a lot to do with one's own perception and train of thought, it would really help if everyone around us wouldn't always be trying to put us down, as we only rise by helping others rise.

Lastly, not to devalue all of the above, but to survive in this world, we must learn not to take things personally, and be comfortable in our own skin. If courage isn't the absence of fear, but doing the right thing regardless of it, then maybe confidence isn't the absence of insecurity but knowing that you have real worth despite it.

We must realize that the key to happiness lies within. Happiness doesn't start with a relationship, a job or a college degree. It starts with our own thoughts and what we tell ourselves everyday. We must surrender the thought of what will “xyz” think of, and simply live life, loving and liberating everyone around us.